Tuesday, February 14, 2012


I just got back from my trip to El Salvador, a group from my church went, only for a week. It was hard for me to leave my husband, it was hard for me to leave my 2 girls, it was hard for me to leave the comfort, security and familiarity of home. But sometimes the 'uncomfortable' times are the most beneficial times. Even though challenging, these are the times that you learn the most, about yourself, about others, and about God's plan and infinite love.

When people ask how my trip was, it is hard to find an answer. I mean, 'good.' But I cannot sum it up, or even explain at length the impact one week had.

I can see her precious little face in my mind still. The first day there. At school. I pray for her, even though I don't know her name. That she finds You, and that You give her peace.

The boy at the orphanage, Juan. I treasure his sweet endearing wink. 'Doctoring' the cut on his hand. He'll be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...which I can get passionately mad about.
...I need to remember that there is eternity. I need to be more concerned about eternity, and not always the here and now. E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y.
But Lord, please be with him, here, and now.

While I was there, I finished 'Kisses From Katie' by Katie Davis. I cried often, reading, and looking at my surroundings. I love how she says that sometimes she feels like she is emptying the ocean with an eyedropper. I mean, to be honest this is how I feel sometimes with my 2 girls home all day. Like the work, NEVER ends. It doesn't.
But I am not being sacrificial. Not even a little bit. In comparison to the people in El Salvador, my life is completely comfortable. I have enough to not just survive but enough, enough, enough. I have enough to not worry about tomorrows meals. I have enough to clothe my children for weeks without doing laundry (which sometimes happens.) I have enough to NOT rely on my neighbor. I have enough to NOT rely on God.
And this is the ugly truth I learned about myself, ...I need to relearn how to rely on God.

I want to be sacrificial in my life. Like real sacrificial. The kind that hurts a little. The kind where you have to rely on God, cause their is no other choice. I want to view people here the way I viewed them there. Poor. In need of God. (No matter how filthy rich in possessions they may be.) I want to love God's children. Not just my own, when it is easy and natural. I want to be thankful, truly and deeply for God's graciousness and blessings...but not hoard them for me and my loved ones...I want to give and give and give to others, who have nothing to pay me back. Till it hurts. Until I am truly being sacrificial.