More snow.

It's funny, this snow.
It just keeps coming&covering.
What I love most about it, is that even here in the city, it all looks clean, spotless.

Currently making chicken nuggets for my two little nuggets.
Fernando Ortega 's 'Jesus Paid it All' came on the Pandora radio.

'He washed it white as snow.'
...I just love this.
...maybe the snow just keeps coming because we just keep forgetting, that our sin is gone completely.

How many reminders Lord do I need? Yearly? Monthly? Weekly? Daily? Hourly?
Why carry the heavy weight when He has freely taken the load from me once and for all?
This white snow, it reminds me.

This morning it felt like spring through my kitchen window-the sun's warmth-the birds song. They have no idea, those birds, that there is a storm coming. A big one. It may silence them for a day, maybe two...
We had no idea this storm was coming in our lives, to silence us of God's goodness, to rob us of our song, to feel the cold, the bitterness.

...but there is such strength in singing during the storm

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"
 
[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes


You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find


And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name 

 

 

Radical by David Platt

this day.

I am not one to remember important dates.
Good or bad.
I try to remember the good, I try to forget the bad.
I have made a promise to myself that I will not dread this day next year, or the year after that, or the year after that.
...but I have to write about it this year.
It's been a year. A complete year.
Since that morning. Jon crawled back into bed next to me and whispered in my ear,
" Your Aunt Del...she died."
and I made him repeat it, five times. Over and over.
And it set in slow.
And it hurt long.

I sobbed into the microphone
John 11:25 at her funeral:
 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though they die, yet shall they live.

and now when I mourn her loss on earth, truthfully deep down I am happy. Happy that I know she is in the presence of God Himself. Happy that I do not cling to this verse as a means to take the pain out of death, but I declare it TRUE. Happy that I WILL see her again one day. Happy that she changed me as a person. Happy that I knew her. Happy that she was my Aunt.

And I want to repeat this over and over:
though they die
yet they shall live
over and over

sacrificial.

I just got back from my trip to El Salvador, a group from my church went, only for a week. It was hard for me to leave my husband, it was hard for me to leave my 2 girls, it was hard for me to leave the comfort, security and familiarity of home. But sometimes the 'uncomfortable' times are the most beneficial times. Even though challenging, these are the times that you learn the most, about yourself, about others, and about God's plan and infinite love.

When people ask how my trip was, it is hard to find an answer. I mean, 'good.' But I cannot sum it up, or even explain at length the impact one week had.

I can see her precious little face in my mind still. The first day there. At school. I pray for her, even though I don't know her name. That she finds You, and that You give her peace.

The boy at the orphanage, Juan. I treasure his sweet endearing wink. 'Doctoring' the cut on his hand. He'll be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...which I can get passionately mad about.
...I need to remember that there is eternity. I need to be more concerned about eternity, and not always the here and now. E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y.
But Lord, please be with him, here, and now.

While I was there, I finished 'Kisses From Katie' by Katie Davis. I cried often, reading, and looking at my surroundings. I love how she says that sometimes she feels like she is emptying the ocean with an eyedropper. I mean, to be honest this is how I feel sometimes with my 2 girls home all day. Like the work, NEVER ends. It doesn't.
But I am not being sacrificial. Not even a little bit. In comparison to the people in El Salvador, my life is completely comfortable. I have enough to not just survive but enough, enough, enough. I have enough to not worry about tomorrows meals. I have enough to clothe my children for weeks without doing laundry (which sometimes happens.) I have enough to NOT rely on my neighbor. I have enough to NOT rely on God.
And this is the ugly truth I learned about myself, ...I need to relearn how to rely on God.

I want to be sacrificial in my life. Like real sacrificial. The kind that hurts a little. The kind where you have to rely on God, cause their is no other choice. I want to view people here the way I viewed them there. Poor. In need of God. (No matter how filthy rich in possessions they may be.) I want to love God's children. Not just my own, when it is easy and natural. I want to be thankful, truly and deeply for God's graciousness and blessings...but not hoard them for me and my loved ones...I want to give and give and give to others, who have nothing to pay me back. Till it hurts. Until I am truly being sacrificial.

Sara Groves - Hello Lord